Give me coffee or give me death.....

  I am laying in bed next to the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.  My arms are wrapped tightly around her with my hands in hers pulled tightly up to her chest.  I think to myself how beautiful she is, how it makes me shiver when I touch her face. While I lay there gently stroking her face the alarm clock goes off. I run the tips of my fingers across her lips one last time and reach for the blaring alarm clock to turn it off.  When I hit the tiny button on the clock I realize im still a world away from her in Iraq.

  I climb out of bed and feel the coarse sand under my feet as they hit the floor. I make my way to the coffee pot and pour the last of the precious Starbucks coffee into the filter that has been used three times already.  It is 4am and roll call is not for another three and a half hours.  I anxiously turn on my computer hoping to see an email or her signed on to MSN messenger.  Nope no luck yet I think to myself as I start to sort through the twenty other emails I did not have time to get to last night. Catching myself saying out out loud "That's your fucking job" and "I sent that to you yesterday asshole" I close my email and pour a cup of coffee grab my ciggarettes and head out to the courtyard for the reason I wake up so early now.  Ahhh yes the quiet of the morning a cup of that strong black caffine goodness, a ciggarette and some time to myself.

  Looking around the courtyard I can feel the time ticking away. In another three hours the chaos will start again.  I have always worked good under pressure.  I am the worlds biggest procrastinator.  I will put off some things because I know that I produce my best work with pressure.  I even enjoy it most of the time but I am beginning to hate it.  The amount of pain, suffering, and blood have taken their toll on my mind and body.  I sit here hoping for a building fully engulfed in flames. I still love the feeling of the heat hitting me as I crash through a door.  In the back of my head though I know I will have to see and do things I would not wish on my worst enemy.  Oh well I think that is the reason ive been searching for, the reason im here. Who am I to question that? Is it fate? Hmmmm questions I will have to ponder on future mornings if the coffe does not run out.